16 reasons why Momo gets my first born child… and the $1339 phone bill

For those of you not in the know, THOSE ARE 16 (SIXTEEN..!!) KINDEREGGS PEOPLE…!!!
Well, in addition to the kindereggs, today was a beautiful day in Madison. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the trees were (sorta) starting to bloom (astute viewers will notice that the trees are impossibly in full bloom in the picture below … okay okay, I admit, this was an old pic from last spring, but this is what it looked like today! (almost)). So what could go wrong? What? Oh yes, that’s right, I forgot God hates me…
Why do I curse providence so, you ask? Ahhh… so here, once again, is a story. I woke up this morning and meandered downstairs in search of some food (alas, all I found was a can of chunky campbells soup a few years past expiration (and consequently *extra extra* chunky…)). As I passed by the mail table, I notice that my cell phone bill had come. “Ah!” I thought – I’ll take this upstairs and be sure to pay it straight away!”
So I’m upstairs, plopped in front of my computer, randomly scribbling out something about Chinese economic imperatives in the 21st century (due tommorrow, 7 pages *blech*) when my eyes come to rest upon my cell phone bill. Not congisant of the doom that was about to descend upon me, I opened it.
*dramatic pause*
Ready…?
(Yes, folks, that is a 1, followed by a 3, followed by a 3, followed by a 9 – AND THEN the decimal point….)
“HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT ………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”; I swear I heard birds fly away in alarm as my jaw hit the floor.
I never even knew that phone bills could have 6 significant digits… I sat on the floor as I contemplated this. Even the previous nights joy at recieving 16 kindereggs was beginning to recede. Finally, having no other alternative, I reached for the phone and dumbly began to dial “customer service”.
“Hello! And thank you for calling Sprint PCS customer solutions..!
This is Margret! How can I help you?”
I blink rapidly. Where to begin…?
“Yes Margaret. I uhhh… have
a question on my bill…”
“No problem!”
“What can I help you with today?”
“Well… can you see my total
displayed on your screen?”
furious clicking of keys…
*GASP* “Oh dear god….”
“Yeah.. so I um, didn’t make $1,400 worth of calls….”
A pause. more clicking of keys. Margret senses this is gonna be one of those calls.. She tenatively tries to stave off what we both know is coming.
“are… are you sure…?”
“umm… yes.”
“Okay. I’ll uh… talk to my supervisor. Please hold…”
To make a long story short, here’s what happened.
I had previously used my phone to call Miho in the Pacific Ocean. I had called (THREE TIMES!!!) to get the international rate to the Pacific Ocean. Quoted rate? 99 cents per minute. What was I actually charged…? $10.99 per minute…!!! Margret looks it up. Yup, the rate to the Pacific Ocean is actually 99 cents per minute. So what happened…!?
The supervisor comes on the line:
“Sir? Yes, actually the rate you were quoted was correct. However, when you call to a ship, there are additional connection and uplink charges which are added on to the per-minute cost”
I blink rapidly.
“Uhh.. the listed rate is 99 cents/minute. I was charged $10.99 per minute. Are you trying to tell me that the additional fees are ELEVEN TIMES the per minute charge….!!!!??????”
“Um, yes, basically.”
“But you guys QUOTED ME (three times…!!!) A RATE OF 99 CENTS PER MINUTE…!”
She mulls this over.
“Yes but you should have realized there would be additional costs”
I absolutely lose it.
“REALIZE…!!!!?” I scream, spit flying fom my lips – “HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO ‘REALIZE’ THAT…!? DO I LOOK LIKE THE FSCKING PHONE COMPANY TO YOU!? I RELY ON WHAT YOU, (the phone company!) TELL ME…!!!! DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I WOULD HAVE CALLED THE PACIFIC OCEAN IF I KNEW THE RATE WAS $11 DOLLARS A MINUTE….!!!???????”
There is a pause while we both gingerly return the reciever to our ears.
“Uhhmm… let me go see what I can do”.
Long story short, anonymous supervisor and Margret (who has to be the kindest and most sympathetic customer service specialist out there!!!) consult, haggle, hem and haw for another 20 minutes. In the end, my $1339 phone bill gets “reduced” to “only” $200. And while normally I don’t argue when someone agrees to knock $1200 off the price, this is still ridiculous (by my calculations I only owe them around $120 dollars). However, I was just glad to be able to get it somewhere in the three figure range once again, so I cut my losses and ran with it. I’m going to call back in a couple of days and try and get it further reduced, so we’ll see how it goes. So there’s today’s lesson boys and girls. Don’t trust Sprint when they quote you a price. Ever.
Now listening to: “Jonathan Wong – Reflections One” (From Southern_Sun’s web page. He mixed it himself, and it’s damn good if I do say so myself. Go on over and check it out!)
11:48 pm

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