Trying hard...

I try really hard to like Japan, but sometimes, Japan makes it really hard to like it. As a foreigner in Japan, it's difficult to find an appropriate "tact" to take when dealing with the various obstacles and "cultural differences" one encounters in day-to-day life. The more strong willed type-A personalities among us might find themselves constantly clashing outright with the way "things are". Accustomed to the more aggressive head-to-head confrontational North American style they'll scream, rant, rave, glower, shake and threaten when faced with something they perceive (usually correctly) as stupifyingly nonsensical. This is not a recommended course of action, however, since in addition to be useless and ineffective (few things in this world are as immutable as a Japanese person with their mind set on doing something "the way it's always been done"), this behavior only fuels the fires of Japanese xenophobia, lending credence to the racist (but disturbingly commonplace) viewpoint of foreigners as violent, irrational (dare I say "barbaric"?) hoodlums only one step removed from raping or assaulting someone at any second.

The more zen-like among us may decide to adopt the approach usually favored by the Japanese - "gaman" - enduring. The basic premise of "gaman" is that no matter what happens, you just accept it as the "natural course" and simply do what "you must" without complaint. The "gaman" philosophy, in turn, is almost always uttered in the same breath as "shikata ga nai", a phrase meaning "it can't be helped", common enough back home but given a new and unnervingly self-fulfilling prophetic life here. In many ways, these two evil bed-fellows might be considered responsible for much of the reputation Japanese have cultivated abroad as being calm, stable and serene ("zen like"), though many who have spent some time in Japan may choose to reinterprete this using different adjectives such as "brainwashed", "repressed" and "gullible". The truth, I'm certain, must lay somewhere between these two extremes, but at any rate, it's been my strong experience that the ways of "gaman" are at strong odds with the innate nature of most individuals raised in the West. We may be able to "gaman" for a while, but at some point, having not been indoctrinated into the systemic social conditioning (reinterpret: "brainwashing"?) Japanese have been exposed to since birth, that unquestioning acceptance of all the various kinds of evil shit the powers that be wreak upon the cowed populace is going to bump up against the part of us that simply says "no more" and, something's gotta give.

That something's gotta give is not only a fact limited to Westerners trying to "gaman" in Japan - we can see it all the time amongst Japanese as well. On any given day you can turn on the news in Japan and hear that someone somewhere has snapped from the stress and done something truly bizarre. Whether it's little 9 year old girls slicing their classmate's throat with a box cutter, high school students sitting an entrance exam suddenly jammning a pencil in their eye, yet another story about the uniquely japanese phenomenon of hikkikomori - people so cowed by the stress of daily life they literally refuse to leave their homes for the rest of their lives, or any of the dozen or so people who commit suicide by jumping in front of trains, off of buildings or whatever on a daily basis, evidence for the idea that "something has to give" can be easily found all around you. When I was in university my Japanese professor once said to me "When Americas can't take it any more, they kill the people who are antagonising them. When Japanese can't take it anymore, they kill themselves." He was making a (rather macabre) joke, I think, but little did I suspect at the time just how true his words would ring. The The philosophy of "gaman" is one that extracts a disturbingly high human cost in the end - there's just so much any one person can take and I sincerely believe that much of the truly disturbing things Japanese sometimes do is because they have snapped and just can't take it anymore.

Foreigners - even those that choose to "gaman" - are fortunately spared the full brunt of societal pressure that drives so many Japanese to extremes. Rather, sometimes it seems that foreigners choosing to try and "gaman" almost have to give up a part of themselves - their "western soul", if you will, eyes glazing over into that semi-shell shocked look you sometimes see long-time expats walking around with, that disturbing juxtoposition of a body that looks western, blond hair, the white skin, freckles, whatever, but a gaze that's a million miles away even as their hands, faces, feet, motions flutter in a discomforted familiarity with Japanese behavior, aizuchi dropping from mouths twisted into contorted smiles and demurring nods which should on the surface seem to suggest an admirable acclimation to a foreign culture to which we should all aspire, but which instead serve only to inspire a cold and disconcerting sense of unsettledness - neck prickling with slight goose bumps, eyes narrowing when long submerged primal instincts flicker back on ever so briefly trying to tell you something is amiss, strange, and perhaps not all is right with this person?

A question for you brave enough to have majored in that difficult-to-classify cross disciplinary field of ethnic-international studies: Why do we not so much as blink when we see a Japanese person acting completely "western" (gestures, perfect English, way of thought, whatever) yet feel so discomforted when faced with a "Westerner" (usually meaning white, but whatever) acting "Japanese" - fluent Japanese, spot-on mannerisms, gestures, thought process, way of dress, ethics, the whole nine yards? If you need any confirmation of this dichotomy, I urge you just to turn on the TV here in Japan and flip to a channel featuring one of the "pet-gaijin" pandering and performing their tricks for the amusement of Japanese nationwide. It's like watching a train wreck, to use the cliche - macabrely fascinating, not-quite-revolting but also not-quite-kosher either - unsettling and you can't help but feel like something is wrong with this person! Is it nothing more than mere unfamiliarity because it is so difficult to gain citizenship that we hardly ever encounter these type of people in "real life"? Is it a type of "orientalism" wherein we hold "western ways" to be "superior" and worthy of emulation vis-a-vis "japanese ways" (thus considering it "normal" for Japanese to act Western, but not the opposite way around)? Is it a type of xenophobic "reverse-orientalism" like the left back home loves to practice - a jealous "guarding" of the so-called "asian identity" for the racist purpose of excluding non-asians (in practice, however this generally is synonymous with the much maligned "white male") from a "culturally rich ethnic identity" from which forth so much smug elitism is borne?

For a $120/month you'd think they could at least re-paint my spot number!

A few weeks ago, I received a letter in the mail from my landlord quite unexpectedly which informed me my lease (two years, apparently) was coming to an end and if I would like to keep living in my apartment, it would cost me $400 (US) for the privilege of renewing my lease - payable at the end of this month. Keep in mind this one time payment is in addition to my montly rent and I will never see any of this money again...! - it was labeled as a "processing charge", which seems pretty specious to anyone with half a brain, since considering the fact that a) I'm already living there and b) they just have to stamp a piece of paper, there's not all that much "handling" to be done. And to be completely accurate about things, they don't even have to stamp the paper - I had to run around to half a different places getting stamps. They just have to stick the damn thing in a folder in a cabinet, which for $400, is some pretty expensive filing.

Nonetheless, being in my new "accept Japan for Japan" phase, I sucked in a deep breath, consigned myself to paying the bribe (which is what it is) and transferred the $400 to my landlord.

As mentioned a few posts ago, I'm finally getting around to buying a car. I knew at the outset it would be an expensive proposition, but since I needed one for work, I pretty much didn't have a choice. Since I just finished paying my landlord $400 for no apparent reason, I didn't exactly have a lot of cash floating around and so my car - a red Honda Civic, in case you care - ended up costing only $500, which, again, in the interest of full disclosure, is a great deal nicer than what $500 back in the States will net you.

Of course, this is Japan, and with bribes being the lubricant that greases the great cogs of society here, you can't just buy a car and expect to be done with it - all sorts of people need to get their cut, you see! Of course the first and biggest crook is the Japanese government - my car may only cost $500, but the government requires a mandatory two year so called "saftey inspection" (which has absolutely nothing to do with safety) known as the "shakken". This little automotive shakedown entails you going to a "government certified" shakken center where you pay unscrupulous mechanics tremendous amounts of money to find all sorts of things "wrong" with your car and then give them even more money to "fix" them. If you're lucky and "fix" a lot of the things yourself, the cost of the shakken will be under a $1000 (USD), and if you're not, well.... the sky's the limit.

In my case, the true nature of this farce was clearly revealed when I received a letter from the mechanic who usually services the car I'm buying from my friend offering to shakken my car for $700 (USD) flat, which may seem like a steal, considering what I just said above, until you stop and wonder how if this is truly a "saftey inspection" they can offer to shakken my car - sight unseen - for a flat fee? How the hell do they know what I've done to it? Maybe I knicked a brake line the other day driving over a concrete embankment!? Or have a hole in my gas tank?! One would think they'd at least like to take a look at the car before offering me a set price...! But it doesn't matter to me, I decide with a weary sigh, switching my mind into "accepting Japan" mode and shuffling my meager finances to try and find $700 (USD) floating around in my next paycheck to bribe the government for the privilege of letting me drive my car.

SUPAR $120 CONCRETE ROCK MACRO....!!!

The bribery doesn't stop there. For complicated reasons I won't fully explain on the blog, while I'm buying the car from my friend (the owner) the actual deed to the car is held by a dealer, who "kindly" offers to do the paper work neccessary to transfer the deed to me for $200 (USD)...! Keep in mind that when I say "transfer" the deed, since the dealer would continue to keep the deed (which they currently have), they would pretty much have to do nothing at all...!. Deciding to take a stand, I refuse to pay this bribe and ask them to give the letters of attorney and transfer certificates to me to do myself - a horribly complicated process which maybe I'll write about some other day, and a request that they - losing out on $200 (USD) for doing absolutely nothing - weren't all too thrilled about.

Of course, I'll need insurance, so I head over to the insurance shop my friend usually uses and they quote me a price of about $80 (USD) a month for full coverage for all drivers (actually this is a little high as you can usually get similar coverage for $50 a month, but that's irrelevant to the point at hand). Fine, I say, asking for an application to take back home, at which point the man informs me that in addition to the first month's insurance payment, I'll also need to give an extra months payment as a "handling charge". Now, that's only $160 (USD) so by comparison not that big of a deal, but the point is that half of that is a superflous bribe I'll never see again! What "processing" can they possibly be doing that costs $80...!? Again, the world's most expensive filing, I think to myself, glancing at the rows of cabinents lining the walls behind the desk. It's not like you even have a choice - insurance is mandatory and they know it and if they want to charge you an extra month's payment just for the hell of it, you're pretty much stuck.

Again, however, I suck in my breath and decide to bear with it, "accepting Japan for Japan", I repeat to myself. The last major obstacle standing between me and car ownership is a parking spot. In Japan, you are required to have a parking spot for every car you own, and forms sporting a bunch of maps and other assorted nonsense to this effect have to be filed at the central police station (and when I say "a bunch of maps" I really mean "a bunch of maps" - a neighborhood map with a bunch of crap labeled on it and a detailed map showing your individual parking spot in relation to the others, which is really anyone's guess why the police would need to have this information - for every citizen in the city - on file. It's not even like the file is digital and can be used for data-mining (i.e. querying a database for the location of every red-hona civic in the hood) - everything is on carbon copy paper files with hand drawn maps stuffed into filing cabinets which - and don't underestimate the sheer truth of this statement - makes them utterly and completely useless for any practical purposes)

I arrive at my landlord's office and explain that I'm looking for a parking spot to a smarmy looking 30-something year old woman who's staring at me with a mixture of annoyance, disgust and taken-aback-ness one might level at a slimey green martian who just fell from the sky and started speaking to you - barely concealed behind a fake strained smile.

The woman is incompetent, which becomes clearly evident as she has me fill out application forms then telling me - after I'm done filling them out - that she's made a mistake and that I should fill out a different form - and quickly demonstrates not the foggiest notion of what is entailed in getting a parking spot, handing me the wrong maps, and then staring at me with annoyance when I gently suggest I need a different one - pointing at the 24 pt bolded text written at the top of the page in her own language saying as much. Nonetheless, I force the same strained smile to my face, chalk it up to "cross cultural exchange" and bravely soldier on. To my credit, I don't even balk when she tells me my parking spot will cost $120 (USD) a month...!!!. Keep in mind this is for a tiny, uncovered concrete slab jammed in between 14 other cars that's a 5 minute walk away from my house...!

I don't balk, but I'm almost out of patience the longer I have to stare at this woman, hemming and hawing and staring at me with this thin lipped look of smug disdain as I reconfirm some of the more complicated terms of the parking spot rental agreement - I'm well aware that when it comes to negotiating lease details and rental agreements my Japanese is far from fluent, but my point is very clear and I certainly don't deserve to be looked at with this arrogant look of pity and smug-self superiority one might give a dog with three legs or a mentally challenge individual.

"So to confirm" I continue "I should bring in 12000 yen (~$120 USD) tomorrow for the parking fee for next month?"

"No, you should bring in 26580 yen (~$265 USD) by tomorrow." she replies.

"Errr, why? What is the extra 14580 yen for? Am I paying for two months at once?" I ask, the bile rising in my throat.

"No. You are paying for 12000 yen for the first month, an extra 12000 - one month's rent - for a processing fee, and an extra yen 2580 (~$25 USD) for the cost of preparing this form (referring to the police form which all the landlord has to do - quite literally - is stamp ONCE....!)" she replies, glancing at the clock with obvious annoyance.

Since I'm about to start ranting, enjoy this picture of a happier time. Hooray for Onsen-kuma chan hats!!!

In that instant, I almost lose it - the proverbial feather that broke the camel's back - I feel the bile coming to a head in my throat, my fists clench up, my eyes narrow, legs tense. I literally want to spring across the table right this second - I want to scream, to rant, to rave, to swear and froth until spit flies out with every curse, to throw things off the table and hurl the monitor across the room. Everything that has piled up over the past few weeks is coming out now and I need to leave right-this-second. "I'll be back tomorrow" I somehow choke up, and stagger out of the office, face turning visibly red with fury, I'm certain.

Let's recap: In the span of a month I have gone from being in the black, albiet not by much - to having to pay out over a thousand dollars (USD) just to survive in my everday life...!. The math looks a bit like this:

This number in and of itself is terrible enough, but it only gets worse when you consider that in addition to the above, I had to pay around $2800 (USD) in various "key monies" and "gift monies" - none of which I will ever see again to my landlord when I first moved into my apartment (and I don't exactly live in the Park Hyatt either - folks in my apartment (mainly young japanese punks and hostesses) routinely urinate in the elevators and defecate in the stairwells) and we see that in exactly 2 years in Japan I have had to pay over $4125 (USD) in outright bribes just to exist...!

Maybe for some people this is not such a large number, but for me - struggling with student loans I have to pay back - this is a killer. And it makes me angry as well - scratch that - furious...! because I receive nothing for my money - while they can choose to describe it however they would like to make themselves feel better "processing fee", "key money" or whatever - the fact remains that these monies are out-and-out mandatory bribes, and the people taking them are nothing more than crooks.

I'm not a rose-tinted-glasses-sporting idealist. I was born in Central America and I'm well aware that bribery is a fact of life in many places in this world. The thing is though - even though bribery was rife in the corrupt little backwater mudhole I used to call home, it was never this bad...! Sure, the police would demand a bribe here and there to take an interest in a crime, or a city official would require a discreet "gift" to process your paperwork, but the amounts we're talking about are like $20 or $30 bucks US - and those people really needed it too, just to get by...! But things like this - thousands and thousands of dollars just to live from day to day... unless you were looking to start shipping kilos of cocaine out of the country, that's just unheard of...! Looking at it like that, at the thousands I have to pay out to bribe people in Japan - people who don't need it, people in the second richest country in the world, people who have never had to suffer a day in their lives and who take my hard earned cash and use it to buy themselves overpriced designer goods and pamper their already spoiled children, it makes me furious, disgusted and profoundly disappointed all at the same time. In the face of such a system, bloated, immobile and unchanging, and surrounded by a populace paralysed by decades of brainwashing and reticent to challenge the powers-that-be, I find myself at a loss as to what to do. Complaining brings no change and yet at the same time I wonder for how much longer I can "gaman" until I lose something essential to myself, something essential about myself - and it seems like Japan is inexorably trying to drive us out, drive itself out and it's like man, what the fuck is going on? A special kind of stupid to get kicked in the teeth and keep coming back for more and yet that's what I'm doing.

I'm trying to like Japan, I swear, but sometimes the disillusionment is too much to bear. I came here seeking a better way - and maybe that's my bad, trying to make Japan fit my image instead of what it really is - but if I wanted to continue slaving away and having nothign to show for it - continue paying bribes to corrupt officials, landlords and what have you just to get by from day to day - then man, I would have just stayed in Central America. I used to think Japan could do better, but nowadays, I really don't know if it can...!