Category Archives: japan - the bad

Fingerprinting

Note: I'm sorry, but there are no pictures in this post. It is also very very long, though broken down into sections for easier reading. Unlike most of the fare on the pandablog, this deals with a subject that is rather important and of great personal concern to me. If you choose to read, thank you for your time. If not, do not fear, we will soon return to lighter fare. Thank you for...

Are you getting fatter...?

So last Friday I found myself stuck in a meeting all day from 8 to 5. Now this would be bad enough, but combine it with the fact that it is the rainy season - and hence hot, sticky and miserable - and that a typhoon happened to make landfall that day, and you pretty much get a very unhappy panda. I think I have alluded to my dislike for my current job before on...

The Great Bike Theft of 2006

[In My Head]:: "Somehow, Scotland Yard, I'm not holding out much hope you're gonna find my bike next week, let alone in 4 or 5 years given that your investigative technique to date seems to consist of drawing a map in crayon on a crumpled piece of paper and measuring the distance to random buildings. Not exactly C.S.I. up in this motherfucker, is it?" [Out Loud]::"...ummm, if you find my bike in 6 years, you can just keep it as I'll probably have bought a new one by then." "No, no, someone must take responsibility for the bike, even if just to pay for the disposal fee. More importantly, what about when we arrest the criminal? A case like this will remain active in Japan for seven years. If we arrest the criminal and send them to court, someone needs to press charges. If you're gone, who will do this?" "...umm, that's okay, I don't want to press charges. I just want my bike back."

Jumbo the giant panda

And while it's not the most inappropriate comment I've ever been subjected to in Japan (that dubious honor going to the intrepid junior high school boy who caught me off guard once with "hey panda-sensei, how big is your cock?" in perfect English (my snarky-yet-simultaneously-pathetic (insofar as I'm comparing penis size with a 12 year old) reply: "bigger than yours will ever be", greeted with tremendous "oohs" and what I can only assume is the Japanese middle school equivalent of "snap!!!" and "awwww shit!" from his boys - penis measuring humor is universal it appears)) – nonetheless it seems to me that one doesn't make a comment like "look at how huge you are" without having some sort of specific desired response in mind.

Mochi made with sweat (and other stuff)

And wouldn't you know it? As soon as I remembered this one simple tidbit from my childhood, everything suddenly fell into place. I had the answer.

What would a ninja do indeed?

He would get revenge.

Let them eat cake (and die...)

I wish for a second that pandas could actually breath fire, or at the very least, spit acid like an Alien.

"What does he want me to do, DG?" I ask, voice emerging in ragged constricted packets.

"Well, he said he wants you to bring him an apology gift. Specifically he said he wants you to give him a cake or something. So I think perhaps you should go to his house and bring him a cake."

I absolutely lose it.

Bumper Cars

So it's been continuing to snow on and on for the past two weeks and things are starting to get dramatic. And by "dramatic" I mean "I keep crashing into shit left and right". It's always been a point of pride on my part that I have always been the best driver in my family - my father has been in his fair share of accidents, my mother drove straight into the lamp post in...

Atarashi Shakai no Rekishi

Things have been quiet here for a while on the pandablog, and it's not just because of the mangled right paw. Besides fending off the ever encroaching student hoardes (it's that time of year where the new students start flooding the halls of the schools in terrifying numbers), I've actually been up to something that might be classified as quasi-productive. Professor Panda prepares to teach today's history lesson... As many of you may be aware,...

Depressingly down

*sigh* well, if any of you are still reading, sorry, and I guess it's time to explain all the woe that has recently befallen the house of panda. The pictures, by the way, are from my recent trip to Tokyo (more on that later - both in this entry and in the next) and are quite happy, in contrast to the depressing angsty drivel I'm about to whine, spit and sputter all over you. Let's...

Screw the magic kingdom

This, believe it or not, is Tokyo Disneyland. Dude, the magic kingdom killed me. I am so unbelievably sick (for what must be the fourth time since I got to this cold, rainy little mudhole I live in) this past weekend in Tokyo. In Disneyland, no less. I ended up coming home early (I spent a whole whopping day and a half in Tokyo, most of that buried under a ton of blankets or else...

Best part of waking up II

The time? Saturday morning, 7am The place? Right outside my apartment window The culprits? Pork barrel Japanese construction workers The dirty deed? Waking my poor, bedraggled panda ass up waaaay too early for a Saturday morning. Finally, unable to sleep, I roll out of my futon, landing on the floor with a pathetic groan and sack-of-potato-like thump. Crawling on my hands and knees over to my window, I peer outside, squinting at the evil bright...

Best part of waking up I

Mmmm... morning time.... sneaky sun slipping through my window shades... sleepily turn and bury my face in the pillows, pull big fluffy blankets over my head. So warm and comfy.... so sleepy. So... HOLY SMOKES!!! What is that noise...!!? Is it an earthquake? Is it a terrorist attack? Is it a riot? Whatever it is, it's coming from right outside my window!!!! A glance over at the clock - 7am. This is right outside my...

Another pictureless post...

Well, I have come to the conclusion that i get paid waaaay to much for what i do, which to date has basically consisted of me grinning like an idiot at my fellow co-workers. Things I have bought with my first salary since yesterday: Chicken karage bento at Lawsons - 480 yen Scotch tape at the Hyakuen Store - 105 yen Royal Milk Tea from machine - 120 yen Ketai strap from Comme Ca -...