Colophon: All about Michaelpanda.com

AUTHOR

Michaelpanda.com is the product of one 26 year old Mistar Michael Panda. Originally from somewhere not inside the US, he eventually moved to the US where he lived a merry existence among the cow-filled plains of the upper midwest. Finally growing bored with the constant threat of cattle stampedes and winters which routinely dropped to -35 degree celsius, he, like so many young men before him, moved to Japan to see about a girl, where he has spent the last 3 years in the bizarre landscape of concrete and rice paddies that characterizes inaka Japan.

Apparently having a background in genetics, at least according to the piece of paper he was handed upon graduation, Mistar Panda has worked in a variety of jobs, including as a rather incompetent lab assistant in several horticulture laboratories, as the resident scapegoat at a government research facility (where he exacted his revenge by uwittingly falsifying data that later ended up being published in a paper distributed to various government agencies), as a computer support technician, where he perfected the art of ducking staplers hurled at him by angry customers, and most recently, as a fake high school teacher in Japan via the JET program, where he gets to employ his stapler ducking skills on an everday basis (those of you who don't think Japan has ghettos need to come and spend a day or two in some of the schools I've worked at).

As of 2007, he has moved down to the Tokyo area where he works in a vaguely defined position that is not quite as mindless as teaching English, but is equally soul killing. Like all gaijin in this country, Mistar Panda is always looking for any kind of work that doesn't involve teaching English, so if you have a need for 26 year old panda with the above mentioned work experience and a background in genetics, biology and international relations (I was a confused college student), and the remarkable ability to speak Japanese like (and only like) a 12 year old girl, please feel free to get in touch. Even if you don't but just want to chat about pandas, have a comment about the site or whatever, drop me a line anyway. It's the little communiques from the outside world that help me keep my sanity from day to day.

PANDAS??

A few years ago I was traveling through Hong Kong with my girlfriend, when we stopped by the Ocean Park Zoo to look at the pandas. As I was peering lazily over the railing at the pandas rolling about all over the grass with nary a care in the world I heard the sudden click of a camera shutter, followed by barely-supressed laughter. When I inquired why she was laughing, she pointed to the sign which read: "A PANDA'S DAILY LIFE: 50% eating, 45% sleeping, 5% other" and remarked in that sweet way women do when they're subtlely mocking you "that's sooo your life!".

At that moment, I had an epiphany - while that was not my life at the present, surely such a thing must be the life I aspired to...! After all, to eat, sleep, and roll around lazily all day - and yet still be praised by all as the cutest, greatest thing in the world!? What more can one want out of life?

And hence, at that moment, I came to a sudden realization of the deep and profound bond which I, being half panda myself, shared with the cuddly black and white denzins of the bamboo forest.

ABOUT THE PANDA BLOG

The panda blog never started out with any definitive purpose in mind - I kept it because it amused me, a sort of written record of the little varied and assorted insanities that life keeps throwing at me, which I can look over and marvel at the fact that I am (more or less) still alive.

Originally I had the intent of definitely staying away from politically-charged "activist" type entries, not only because I felt that there are more than enough of those angry rantings out on the web already, but also because I am rarely able to form coherent thoughts and sentences. Over time, however, these sort of entries have crept it every once in a while, not only because I am becoming increasingly opinionated in my crotchety old years, but also because i have the firm belief that those who can must speak for those who cannot. I promise to keep such things to a minimum, however and if you find entries you disagree with, feel free to either reply with your viewpoint or skip them altogether.

Another more recent motivation behind the blog is to help share a sense of the "real" Japan with others who might be considering a move here. There is much mis-information and "mystery" which for whatever reason seems to cloud people's thinking whenever they speak about "Japan", and I would like to share my experience, to help others see beyond the glossy tourist brochures, adjective laden guidbook entries and breathy textbook descriptions. My experiences are just that - my own, and I make no pretense that they are by any means definitive, widely applicable or even accurate. But take them for what they are - I am trying to give back to the greater internet sphere of "Japan"-related information out there.

Why Japan? Despite how much I may occasionally rant or rave about the mind numbing inanity that fills the land of the rising sun and bean paste, I really do love it with all my heart. While I may not be able to vocalize any definitive reason why I am here, I can't think of any place else I'd rather be.

As of January 2007, the blog has started to put more focus on things like photography and travel, with each entry trying to feature at least one colorful or distinctive photo, usually cropped at a distinctive 578x300px. We'll see where this new direction leads us in the future!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

There are so many people to thank when thinking about this site, not least of which is my long-suffering girlfriend, who in her infinite patience puts up with me "typing on the computer" when I should be doing other, presumably more manly things, such as installing air conditioners or defending her from vicious stray animals with my swiss army knife or something.

I have many influences when it comes to Japan and this site, not only from excellent paper authors such as Karl van Wolferen, Alex Kerr, Alan Booth, David Bayley, Yuko Ogasawara, Anne Alison, Donald Richie and many others, but also from the digital authors of such excellent Japan-related sites such as Jermey Hedley, Dr. Dave, Kurt Easterwood, Yongfook, Linder Vanderzande and many many others.

COMPUTER

For those of you who like to geek out about these things, this site was produced entirely on my hard-working and uber-cute Fujitsu Loox-T70H. The Japanese Fujitsu Loox series falls under what is roughly termed "B5 sized notebooks", though in the states we'd probably refer to them as sub-(sub) notebooks. The entire thing measures a startling tiny 250x190x25mm (9x7x1") and weighs in at an amazing 1.8 kg or so (~3 lbs) fully loaded. Despite the diminutive size, it packs a huge punch: 80gb HDD, 768MB RAM, DVD+/-burner-CDRW, bluetooth, CF/MMC/SD/MS memory slots, atheros a/g wireless, 1280x768 crystalview widescreen, fingerprint scanner, 6hr+ battery life and a pentium-M 1.1Ghz processor, and handles everything I throw at it, not only the web coding, but also Photoshop manipulation, moderate video editing and even the occasional game of Unreal/Counterstrike.

Ever my faithful companion, I take it everywhere with me, and to its credit, it has survived being jostled around everyday during my hour long bicycle commute to/from work, being banged about by the spastic salaryman next to me on the shinkansen who's having a bad dream, and even being hastily jammed into a teeny tiny overhead compartment on a plane to Hokkaido as the captain advises us "we may experience some chop because of the blizzard ahead", in what turned out to be the understatement of the year. It is my firm belief that you will never find a more powerful and full-featured computer in such a tiny form factor and strongly advise you to seek one out should you ever be in the market for a new laptop. While I bought mine in Japan, I do believe that Fujitsu offers a relatively similar (with a cdrw instead of the dvd burner) in the states under the model name "Fujitsu P-7010", so if you're looking, start there!

As of January 2007, the keyboard on my little baby is definitely in need of some TLC - the "n" and "l" keys have had holes worn completely through them, most of the lettering has faded (fortunately I can type without looking!) and several other keys are well on their way to having holes in them as well, a testament to how damn much I type. But the computer itself is still going strong!

CAMERA

Unlike some of the really excellent Japan-blog sites out there (antipixel, hunkabutta, easterwood, photosushi, etc.), I'm not lucky enough to own a "real" camera (i.e. anything with interchangeable lenses and little numbers written on the edge of the dials).

As for December 2006, the House of Panda has come into possession (mainly by virtue of having bought it for himself) of a Canon EOS Kiss XTi 10.1MP digital SLR camera. Recent pictures on the site are taken with both that camera and my slightly older Konica Minolta DiMage X50, a 5 megapixel digital camera with a paltry (but better than nothing) 3x optical zoom and rather impressive shutter speed. I use this camera primarily for its small form factor and transportability (which is impressive given the resolution) and its ability to take close-up macro shots, a feature I never cease to get tired of using, often running around screaming "macro macro!!" while taking close-ups of my lunch, co-worker's elbows, pencils, etc.

Certain images, especially those in the "photography" category or from long road trips might be taken with a friends Casio Exilim EX S600 6 megapixel digital camera.

The very oldest pictures on the site were taken with my ancient (don't laugh) Casio-Exlim 1.8 megapixel "card camera". A faithful companion, its measly resolution was more than offset by its teeny tiny form factor and extreme ruggedness (i could literally stick it in that little "coin pocket" in my jeans without worry), which made it a great camera for always having on you to catch those impromptu moments. Since the purchase of the new camera, my loyal friend has found his way to a relaxed retirement somewhere in my parent's house back in America, from where occasionally I get phone calls at 2am asking if i could explain, once more, just how exactly one transfers pictures from the camera to the computer again?

PHONE

Newer pictures on the mobile blog ("moblog") were taken with my latest mobile phone, the AU Toshiba W31T. While the specs claim it has a 2.3 megapixel camera, the truth is the camera sucks hard. Nonetheless, the phone itself is fantastic with a PC site browser, bluetooth, mp3 playback and the whole works, all crammed into body that's only 20mm thick. So I guess I can overlook the middling (at best) image quality, and I hope you can too.

Older pictures on the moblog were taken with my previous cell phone, the Docomo Fujitsu F900iT . Featuring a 1.28 megapixel camera, it also has a touchscreen function which allows you to "edit" the pictures you take, which explains the occasional idiotic pictures of people inexplicably holding loaves of french bread or sporting gigantic mustaches and/or pirate hats. As for how I get the pictures from the phone to automatically post on the blog, check the "moblog" section under the "how to" articles.

CODE

Michaelpanda.com is coded using more or less valid XHTML 1.0 transitional, which is to say it that I did my best to stay standards-compliant, but being a panda, I was too lazy to subject myself to the torture using strict XHTML 1.0 would have entailed. Standards compliance is important, and for this reason, the vast majority of the pages on the site are W3C validated (you can check for yourself by clicking on the xhtml icon at the bottom of such pages). Trying to produce valid code on a complex site, especially for the first time, is an exercise in frustration and anger management, as well as an eye opening introduction to the world of browser differences, rendering bugs and what not. I highly recommend you all try it, especially using nothing else but notepad to write the code.

(I was being sarcastic....)

CSS

Michaelpanda.com uses valid cascading style sheets for all layout/design on the site, which means there's a chance it might look slightly quirky on older browsers with incomplete css support. I have tested it for compliance not only with w3c standards, but also for useability and consistency on modern IE and gecko rendering engine based browsers. If you're having problems viewing the site with an older browser, it might not be a bad idea to upgrade to a newer version, as style sheets are fairly ubiquitous and will only continue to be more so in the future.

To see what can be done via the power of CSS, have a quick click on the "Style Switcher" over on the right hand side. Not bad for just switching a stylesheet, huh?

New stylesheets are (theoretically) released 4 times a year (one per season), though in reality it's kind of up to whenever I have time. I hope to write up a stylesheet for a variable-width version and a high-visibility/accessible version of the site one of these days, but I may have to tinker with the underlying code first, since I was a bit crap and maybe didn't put in enough divs to do what I want. *sigh* I wish I was a cleverer panda...

ACCESSIBILITY

Michaelpanda.com is not a big corporate website (in case you couldn't tell by the dancing pandas all over the place), and as such, I don't have the resources, time or knowledge to ensure that every page on the site is 100% accessible to people using alternative browsing technologies. For one, I don't have access to a screen reader (pretty expensive bit of software), a braille browser (even more expensive) and I'm not color blind. Nonetheless, I have made an effort to ensure that the majority of the pages on the site comply with US section 508 accessibility guidelines (you can check this on any page that displays the "508 compliant" icon at the bottom), whose word I'm going to have to take on the subject, unless someone with a screen reader/etc. tells me otherwise.

I've devoted some effort to making sure the site degrades nicely in the absence of style sheets, and it is perfectly browseable in text based browsers, such as lynx. One thing to be careful of, however, is that since I have used Mike Rundle's "Accessible Image Replacement" technique on the main navigation menu at the top, on the extremely rare chance that you have disabled images while leaving css enabled on your browser, the top navigation menu will be unuseable. Nothing can be done about that, other than me shaking you violently about and asking "why on earth would you do such a thing!?". So in such a case, please either turn back on your image support, turn off your css support or else use a straight up text-only browser. Thank you.

FONTS

The main stylesheet gives a mixture of verdana and arial (roughly in that order) for most of the main text areas on the site, and throws in a generic sans-serif as the backup choice. A teeny tiny bit of the text contained within images (such as in some of the icons) are a mixture of pixel fonts I've accumulated over time, including "Kroeger 05_56" and "Cubic 5_10" (and variations thereof). I'm afraid I've forgotten where I obtained these fonts from, but if anyone knows, please let me know and I'll put up an appropriate link.

SOFTWARE

The blog is set up using sixaparts excellent "Movable Type" software, and modified using scripts, modules and plugins from Cate and Michael, Jennifer at Scriptygoddess, James Seng and Jay Allen, among others. The gallery itself runs on the wonderful Singapore image gallery backend with a bit of tweaking here and there. All of the templates and code on the site are hand coded by your truly, originally using the greatest html editor known to man, good ol' windows notepad (and yes, the experience sucked as much as you might imagine). Fortunately I've grown older and (wiser?) since the first incarnation of michaelpanda.com and now all code is written in jEdit, which makes for less hair pulling and teeth gnashing on my part.

All images and backgrounds on the site were hand crafted by yours truly pixel by pixel using Adobe Photoshop 7.0, with the notable exception of some of the icons used within the right sidebar (created by Dan Cederholm but which I modified) and two little 9x9 .gifs (the ones that appear next to links and the rss feeds in the main blog page) which I shamelessly stole from John Serris's absolutely stunning Phonophunk, a site from which I derived a great deal of my inspiration for this most recent redesign. I bow in awe before the mastery of these truly l33t web designers.

HOSTING

Michaelpanda.com is hosted by hostmatters.com, an excellent company with top notch service and very friendly and accomodating technical staff. I can't recommend them enough!

COPYRIGHT

Michaelpanda.com is (c) 2004 - whateveryearitisatthemoment by me, all rights reserved. So please don't steal anything on my site, including text, images or code. If there's something on the site you'd really like to use, why not drop me an e-mail? Chances are I would have no problem with you using it and can often provide you with a bigger resolution copy (in the case of images) or a more in-depth original (in the case of text). If there's a bit of code or programming you want to use on your site, if you ask I'd be happy to explain to you how I did something - after all, this site wouldn't be running today without all the other people out there kind enough to put out tutorials in the first place.

Feel free to link to any page/entry on the site - I don't require you to "come in through the front door" as it were. However, please don't "hotlink" to a file or leech my bandwidth - it's simply not cool to link directly to an file hosted on someone else's website. Be a good person, ask for permission to use an image, and after I respond, find your own host and upload it there. While I'm not an evil panda, I have been known to switch out images on bandwidth thieves and replace them with something a lot less pleasant.

COMMENTS/DISCLAIMER/PRIVACY/ADVERTISING

The views expressed on michaelpanda.com are my own and are in no way representative of those of my employers, either past, present or future. On the other hand, what you write in the comments form/message board are your own opinions, and except for cleaning up messy urls, and changing naughty words into less offensive alternatives, I won't edit your comments. By the same token, this also means that I bear no responsibility for whatever people write in the comments/message board area. Their views are not my own and just because something's on my site doesn't mean I agree with it - supporting free speech means not censoring views that may be contrary to your own.

Along with the comments, Michaelpanda.com is not responsible for the contents of any externally linked sites. I do my best to ensure I only link to responsible sources, but this in the internet, and things - and sites - can and do change from one instance to the next.

Your IP address is logged everytime you visit the site, and it along with any information you provide to me, either when e-mailing me or in your comments submission form - remains private and will never be displayed on the site. Of course, if you voluntarily enter a URL in the comments form, this will be linked to your name, so use common sense.

I hate spammers with a passion and I promise I won't sell your name to mass marketers, send you e-mails about natural herbal viagra or even give up your information to the government, unless of course, they lock me up in Guantanamo Bay, in which case I hope you all understand, given that I don't do so well in that Cuban heat. If someone steals my computer, all bets are off, but I wouldn't worry as I have my army of killer robo pandas guarding it 24-7, ready to take immediate action against any potential perpetrators.

Finally, Michaelpanda.com doesn't accept advertising, though if you use the google function to search the site, it is possible that you may see small text ads in the results. This is google's doing and I have no control over it. If you see any pop-up/pop-under/etc. ads when you visit this site, please be assured that this is not my fault - more than likely your computer is infected with some manner of spyware. I recommend downloading the latest copy of ad-aware and giving your computer a good scrubbing.

I'm running Jay Allen's excellent MT-Blacklist and James Seng's fantastic captcha script to try and weed out the tons of comment spam that would otherwise infect the comment sections of blogs. Nonetheless, occasionally a bit of advertising might slip through, though these will be deleted in short order. If you post anything that looks like it might be advertising, please be advised that your comment will be deleted immediately - do it again, and your IP will be banned, no ifs/and/buts or ors. Be nice and enjoy your stay here in pandaland!

25 Facts about your host

1. I currently have about 70 distinct panda goods - most of which are stuffed animals or figurines - in my room. And that's just my bedroom...
2. I have traveled extensively on every major island in Japan except Shikoku. I have never been to Shikoku and doubt I ever will.
3. I once had my entire arm fully inserted into a cow's anus. Subsequently, I went on to walk around campus for 8 hours straight with a piece of cow poop attached to my ear.
4. I used to have a mullet. In my passport photo I still do (and I'm wearing a serape to boot). I once accidentally punched my friend Cat in the eye trying to keep her from seeing said photo.
5. I secretly wish the mullet would make a come back.
6. Briefs, not boxers. I hate how sloppy and baggy boxers look. Boxer briefs are an acceptable compromise.
7. Most of my shirts have French cuffs. I love cufflinks.
8. People have occasionally thought I was gay, usually because I love men's fashion. Then that leads to an awkward exchange which usually goes something like "well, yes, I do like men's fashion, but I also like boobies so..."
9. I have owned 5 hamsters in my life. One starved to death/was possibly eaten by ants (it was unclear which occurred first), one froze to death, one broke his leg and died as a result, and two ate each other in my kitchen.
10. I speak Japanese at around the 2kyu-level, though I've never taken the proficiency test. It is extremely unlikely I will ever pass 1-kyu.
11. I rarely drink. And when I do, it's usually girlie, fruity, sweet cocktails.
12. I once dated a girl who could program in FORTRAN. Since she was otherwise completely computer illiterate and had trouble with hotmail, this completely blew my mind when I found out.
13. I once had a stalker named Lindsey. She used to work as a telemarketer in Iowa and copied down my name, phone number and personal information from her call records.
14. I love tall buildings, especially at night. My dream is to one day live in a suite at the top of a super super high tower hotel in downtown Tokyo and stand and stare down from my big glass window at night.
15. I once broke my collarbone by trying to do a handspring off my friend's back as he crouched on the ground on his hands and knees. Thus ended my short and not-so-illustrious gymnastics career.
16. I used to play clarinet and used a #5 reed by the time I was in 8th grade (this no lie!). At that time, I think I could probably have crushed a beer bottle with my lips alone. (had I been a girl, I am certain this would have done wonders for my popularity!)
17. I have been mistaken for: Chinese (okay, well, that's sort of correct), Philippine, Vietnamese, Mexican, Native American, Ainu (!?), Japanese, Canadian and "Pacific Islander".
18. I can rap virtually any Tupac song from his first album 2Pacalypse Now until the last album before his death All Eyez on Me from memory.
19. I used to do Taekwondo for 4 years. I can still do the (front) splits and put my palms flat on the floor from a standing position without any warm up.
20. I used to have a high powered bbgun that I used to shoot the limbs off my G.I.Joes in the garage. Then I would try to re-attach them and design armor to protect them against the rifle.
21. My brother and I used to play "bugbusters" where we would fill shampoo bottles with soapy water and shoot them at live hornets' nests. This was tremendous fun until the hornets figured out where the water was coming from.
22. I wish it was publicly acceptable for men to wear skirts. I would be the first to buy one!
23. I would like to own a cafe in Tokyo or a ramen shop in America. This plan is confounded by the fact that I don't drink coffee and I know nothing about ramen (other than I like to eat it)
24. I once falsified an entire series of data that ended up being published in a scientific article for the government that was widely distributed a few years back. I didn't know it was going to be published in a journal when I did it though. Then again, even if I had, I still would have done it.
25. I have often been told I have a "phone sex voice" (every time has been by an employer/direct supervisor). One guy even told me that "if your career in science doesn't pan out, you should look into phone sex because with that voice you will be raking it in." I suppose it's worth noting that at least as of 2007, my career in science hasn't exactly worked out...