From the mouths of babes…

A while back, some local first year high school students were given an assignment that required them to write a short story that started with the phrase “once upon a time” or “a long long ago”. Oh, and it had to involve a baby panda.

These are three of my favorites:

panda z

The charm of first one is due in large part to the author’s rather… unique word phrasing – it’s bizarre enough to make me wonder if she didn’t maybe write it in Japanese first then use an online translator to get the English version. Truth be told, I don’t care even if she did – it’s so much funnier this way!

Once upon a time there was going to be it, and there was a baby panda.

One day there was a baby panda when Grandfather went to a mountain to cut turf, I jumped at it, but I returned, and it was assumed that Grandfather would catch a baby panda for slaying.

Grandfather was caught adversely by a baby panda, Grandfather called help to Grandmother with a mobile telephone. Grandmother who went to a river for washing just rushed hastily. Grandmother jumped at a baby panda. However, it was pinned to the floor in three seconds.

A few days later, a member of hunting friend society of a village sent Grandfather and Grandmother out for help. The member of hunting friend society fired a machine gun at a baby panda, but it has been exchanged entirely. It was caught all by a baby panda, and it has been eaten after all.

An end (153 words)

panda z

This second one started out so normally, but within the span of three sentences took a firm turn for the surreal. I think someone’s been watching too many reruns of “Independence Day”!!

Long long ago, there was baby panda. The panda was born in China. The panda’s favorite food is bamboo grass. The panda always played with his friends. One day an alien came to the earth from other planet. The alien killed a lot of animals. Everyone were afraid of the alien and ran away, but the baby panda said to them “Don’t give up. The earth is our planet.” Everyone became fine.

A few days later, many animals united and fought against the alien. After the fight, the alien ran away from the earth. Everyone were happy.

There were many anything in the sky.

They were UFO! (108 words)

As a post-script, I should add that “There were many an anything in the sky” is my new e-mail signature. *laughs*

That having been said, the ultimate prize has to go to this third entry. I don’t know whether to laugh out loud, marvel at the fact that 15 year old Japanese kids still know (and admire) Bruce Lee, or worry that they’re too caught up in morality tales regarding the dangers of plastic surgery. Brilliant!

panda z

Once upon a time there was a baby panda. He wanted to become cool because he was attracted by Bruce Lee. He hardened his body, but he couldn’t get like Bruce Lee’s muscle. When he was sad, he met a man. The man was a plastic surgery. The man said “I will change you a human being.” The panda responded “Oh. That’s a good idea.” He undergo an orthopedic operation and became a man. An effect he got muscle like Bruce Lee.

He was still more glad. But he had a doubt. Many people looked at him was laugh. He didn’t know why they was laugh. His hand has five fingers. He haven’t tail. He had a human body. A young man said “Your body is human. But your face is panda!” He didn’t notice that his face doesn’t change. He was deceived by a man who is plastic surgery.

This story is end. (154 words)

Ahh kids. I wonder what goes through your mind sometimes!?

Now listening to: “Mr. Lif – Ol’ Crew”

11 Reactions

  1. Johnny

    “The member of hunting friend society fired a machine gun at a baby panda”
    Wow, hostile!

  2. Marty

    “He was deceived by a man who is plastic surgery.
    This story is end.”
    That’s got to be the best.

  3. Ben

    Once upon a time, a panda read a post michaelpanda’s blog and couldn’t stop laughing.
    The end.

  4. namizon

    “He was deceived by a man who is plastic surgery.
    This story is end.”
    love that part too

  5. momolo

    Argh! Too cute.
    My favorite story is the last one.
    >He was deceived by a man who is plastic surgery.
    An allegory for us all

  6. KristyChama

    It must be the best part of your job reading stuff like that! It sounds like the stuff that the semi-autistic kids around my job say.