Il faut souffrir pour d etre belle…

I apologize for the lack of updates for the past 2 days, I’ve been slowly decompressing after the roommate incident (“yeah, so uhh, I decided I’m not going to pay the rent man… or the gas bill, or the internet, or the cable, or the…”. Also, for any of you wondering what ridiculously overpriced designer “Eau de Toilet” I prefer, how about the Bulgari one above? I’ve actually never smelled it, by the brilliant cobalt blue color draws me in like a moth to a flame. (Hey, what could be healthier than smearing a bright blue liquid all over your face?)
My permanently-disconnected-from-reality-roommate having driven me to within 2 inches of losing grasp of reality myself, I decided I needed a break. So in order to break up the monotony that is the schoolweek, I decided to postpone the pile of research papers piling up on my desk and go out on a Wednesday night for a change. Of course, if I’m to slack, there’s no point in doing it by myself – so I set off to find a compatriot in crime for the evening.
Given that most of my friends are responsible young adults and/or have significant others not on the other side of the planet, I find myself increasingly facing the prospect of slinking around the bars by myself, fending off crude advances from crusty middle aged women who most definitely should not be wearing leather bustiers. (I need to stop going to these ghetto bars…). Just as I was about to give up all hope and resign myself to an evening of reading about the finer points of the “Direct and Long-Range Action of a Wingless Morphogen Gradient in D.Melanogaster”, I happened to stumble across the phone number of the random girl I ran into in the coffee shop the other day. “Ah-ha!” I think to myself,”I bet she’ll wanna go out!” So I call her, and sure enough, an hour later, Yvonne and I meet up on State Street.
The previously-planned bar-hopping plan gets scrapped straight off when Yvonne reveals that she is not of age (to drink, that is). Given that I’m dead broke and probably shouldn’t be spending money on alcohol anyway, I readily agree that a trip to the coffee shop is in order, and soon we’re sipping hot beverages while sitting by a very non-insulated window. Of course, given that we each spend far too much time in the coffee shop studying, and one can only get by on the “mmm, they really put a lot of nutmeg in this one” for so long, I decide that since I am officially blowing off lots of mind-numblingly boring reading which will need to be made up tommorrow, that I should at least try and have some fun. So after a quck discussion, we decide that a movie will provide just what we need.
The problem, as it turns out, is that neither of us had the foresight to actually check to see what or when the movies were playing. So standing out in the chilly evening, staring at four broken, flickering marquees in the University Square (Yvonne steadfastly refusing to see “Dreamcatcher” and myself having already seen “Old School”) we realize that the earliest movie we can see won’t start for another hour and a half. So we decide to kill the time by wandering around aimlessly down State Street, pausing for a while to stare at the now-repaired-window of Stillwaters, trying to figure out just how somebody could have (in the ghetto parlayance) “busted a cap” 10 times through a window at point blank range into a crowded bar and still only managed to have hit just one person. (Does this now officially mean Madison is hardcore now? When I related the story to a friend of mine in Chicago, she laughed and said “If this happened in Chicago, you’d just chalk it up to the ‘reality of the hood-life’. When it happens in Madison, well, then, it’s just a bunch of rednecks with guns in a town full of cows”. I’m still not sure what the hell she’s talking about, but I’m taking it to mean that our quaint little campus still has a way to go before DMX starts giving us shout outs.)
As we’re wandering, we happen to pass by another theater, this one playing “Chicago”. And, miracle of miracles! it starts in 5 minutes! So we wander in, and watch the movie (which is not that bad, despite my initial apprehensions).
Anyway, after the movie, it’s rather late, so we start wandering back home; when we get to the point where we go opposite directions, I turn to her and say:
“Hey, that was really fun! Thanks for coming out with me!”
“Yeah, I had fun too”
“Hey, some friends and I are going out to a club this weekend. Do you wanna come with us?”
At this, Yvonne becomes extremely fidgety and starts looking the other way. She opens her mouth to speak:
“uhh, listen, I have to be straight with you…I, uh…I’m seeing someone back home…So uh, I can’t go out with you”.
I blink rapidly in confusion.
“Umm, yeah, uh, I should probably clarify. You see the thing is, Yvonne, when I asked ‘Do you want to go clubbing’ what I meant was ‘Do you wanna’ hang out again sometime’ *not* ‘Do you want to screw each other senseless’…”
She’s still not looking at me.
“Right, well, umm, I just didn’t want to seem like a bitch -”
“I don’t think you’re a bitch”, I interject.
“It’s just that I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, cuz’ I’m seeing someone already”
“Yes, well, as I mentioned before, so am I, so don’t worry…”; This is starting to get surreal.
“I just didn’t want to lead you on, I just wanted to be straight with you”
“Umm, yeah, I appreciate that, but uh, since I’m not really asking you out…”
“So we’re on the same page here…”
“Umm, yeah, let me see if I’ve got this straight. I’m not asking you out but you are rejecting me, right?”
She mulls this over for a second.
“No! It’s not that I’m ‘rejecting’ you, it’s just that I’m -”
” ‘seeing someone back home’. Yeah, I got that part. So then, do you still wanna come out with us Saturday night?”
“Yeah, totally! Give me a call, okay?”
And at that we went our separate ways. To be totally honest, I’m not sure if I should be flattered, or perhaps more than likely be triply insulted, given that I was pre-emptively rejected even when I wasn’t asking someone out!!! *sigh*
I will never make it out Saturday however, unless I come up with some topic for a stupid “persuasive speech” I have to write for my damnable comm arts class (just when you thought it was safe to graduate…here comes your advisor with some stupid freshman level requirement you just have to take in order to prove to the powers that be, that yes, you are in possesion of a finely-rounded-liberal-arts-education that will serve you in good stead for the rest of your life). For lack of anything better, I’m thinking of writing about affirmative action. *sigh* Anybody have any better ideas, I am open to any and all suggestions.
I know it’s a little late, but: The top 100 April Fool’s Gags
Now listening to: “Tony De Vit – Global Underground: Tokyo” (Seems somewhat fitting for a rainy day like today)
11:09 pm

2 Reactions

  1. Brooke

    I am an English teacher, and I have to say one of the best persuasive speeches I have ever heard was a satire along the lines of J. Swift. The audience loved it! The question is, could you stand in front of your class and agrue the benefits of eating poor children? I can almost promise you will get an A if you do something outside the box. We teachers love that kind of stuff.