Well, I’ve always been one to please the people, so in your honour all the pictures on this poast will be re-enacted by pandas! Thanks for reading!
So the other day I was idly clicking through my myspace when I see a message from KC somewhere along the lines of “hey I need a vacation. I’m gonna book some airplane tickets somewhere soon. Where should we go?”
To which I instinctively replied: “mongolia“.
Now I have wanted to go to Mongolia ever since I saw this random Julia Roberts documentary back in the day – I remember thinking it looked so wild, rugged and beautifully natural. But that having been said, I hadn’t actually looked into Mongolia seriously before, because I didn’t really think KC would want to go. In my experience people usually replied to an invitation to visit the land of Ghingis Kahn with something along the lines of “thanks, but I don’t want to die.“
But KC is awesome for so many reasons and she demonstrates it once again when two days later I get an e-mail that reads:
After my initial grin at this unexpected happy news fades away, reality starts to set in. “Woah…. we’re going to Mongolia!” So I decide that now would be a prudent time to start looking into Mongolia, like, for real.
So I fire up the internet and start reading.
And as my eyes scan the page, that little voice of doubt that has served my species so well starts to slowly nag and pull at the back of my mind….
Now I realise that in retrospect, it’s usually good practise to actually find out stuff about a country you’re visiting before you actually buy the tickets, but those of you who know me know that I’m not very big on procedure. However, I kinda wished I had read the following before we booked the tickets:
(for my American readers: that’s a temperature variation of +113 to -67°Fahrenheit!)
wait for it….
However, what really makes my level of alarm skyrocket through the roof is this little passage, tucked casually a few paragraphs down telling us “marmot” is one of the few things to eat in Mongolia:
Well… I think the picture pretty much sums up my reaction to that unexpected revelation. For those of you who are not up to date on your “hey I was not aware that this extremely lethal pestilent disease is still around in the 21st century” trivia, the Bubonic Plague, aka “THE BLACK DEATH”, would be the disease that ravaged Europe during the dark ages and wiped out something like 2/3rds of the population in horrible “your skin turns black and sloughs off as boils devour your body” tormented agony.
Yeah… Panda isn’t even trying to be fucking around with no 12th century death plague, people.
I like how the paragraphs talking about the presence of bubonic plague in the food supply…! then calmly suggests “travelers get a rabies shot before coming.” RABIES SHOT!? Personally I’m more concerned about getting a BUBONIC PLAGUE SHOT!
I wonder if they even make a vaccine for the bubonic plague?
nurse: “Hi! Can I help you?”
panda: “Yes! Umm, I’m here for my bubonic plague shot?”
nurse: “Okay! Do you have an appointment?”
nurse: “Okay, right this way to the Black Death and Lethal Pestilence ward, please.”
And in case someone out there still doesn’t get why I’m a little concerned, here is a picture illustrating the difference between normal happy panda, and distressed, caught-the-black-death-in-mongolia panda:
*shakes head sadly* Like, before I was joking about it, but now it’s really starting to sink in that we might actually die over in the wild unforgiving windswept steppes…
Well that having been said, I am still super excited about going to Mongolia! There are so many things I want to try, and the array of choices are so staggering I wonder if we’ll be able to fit it all in even in 10 days? Ger camping! Horse back riding! (watching) Mongolian wrestling! Shooting (plague) marmosets! Nomadic wandering! The Gobi Desert! Jeep rides to the Russian border! Yak stampedes! Milk tea! Unspeakably beautiful unmarred wilderness vistas! Buddhist temples!
And really…. who could be a better person to go with than this lovely, lovely young lady?
Hahahaha…..haa…. Oh god.
We’re going to die.
Now listening to: “Bone Thugs n Harmony – Candy Paint”
Stomp it bash it with my 350 rocket, Cutlas
white on white it’s tight from bumper to bumper can’t touch this
For a little for juice i supercharge it
yea his rides tight but ain’t tight like mine cause
we workin on different dubs.
I swing my doors open, my doors open
my ni**as out in Cleveland swing them doors open, doors open
Big bumps, big bumps big trunks
Try to let off take it to the other side
lets get high, pimpin while i’m deep into my vibe
I’ma come with the cleanest I ain’t gon be seen
With these ni**as don’t know who the team is
I love that i breath with Swizz and Bone, ni**a that’s who we is
Whatever the purpose it’s Full Surface what chu call architects
to hard to check and if you don’t move we startin shit