Random babblings

Today was like one gigantic bad-weather hairball all rolled up in a divine kitty’s throat and hacked up upon an unsuspecting populace. I mean, it snowed, rained, sleeted, hailed and practically hurricane’d all within the span of eight hours – despite my head to foot raingear, I got soaked to the bone and almost blown into a drainaged ditch three times on my harrowing bike ride home from school. Goodness gracious!!
Panda shows the effects of his vicious battering by stormy winds…
I’ve been getting complaints (from certain not-to-be-named emo people) that my posts are too long for them to read without falling asleep. I guess this is nothing new; i routinely chat with people on msn/IM etc. only to find that i’m the only one who’s been typing for the last five screens; when i finally get tired of waiting for them to respond and call them up on the phone, they’re all like “oh my god! you were still talking? sorry, i fell asleep!”.
hmph. but it’s not just my attention-deficit-disorder-afflicted friends; i’ve had papers handed back to me in college where I notice that the TA’s comments sort of abruptly stop about 1/3 of the way through, jumping to the back page, i’d get comments like “uhhh… well the preface was good, didn’t really get to the rest, but it looks okay”. Furthermore, i’ve actually been known to bore telemarketers to death on the phone, to the point where they want to hang up. (then again, i’ve also literally been stalked by a telemarketer, which is another story for another time.)
Mmm… Okonomiyaki!!!
So what’s my point? Well, in the best interests of my ADH ritalin-addicted individuals amongst you who can’t stomach another long winded diatribe about cheese and cocks (good god, i hope i never have to write those two words next to each other again), I present to you, in the finest Faulkner tradition, a quasi stream-of-consciousness post about a few random things that having been happening lately in the House of Panda.
I can’t believe that there’s some people out there in this world who don’t know what velveeta cheese is…! And it’s not just people from countries that still remain outside the grasp of Kraft’s evil, yet deliciously cheese-flavored, empire either! My very dear friend momo, social crusader for justice, outspoken proponent of alternative sexual practices and purple-boot wearing fashionista extraordinaire, a person who I consider very well travelled, has shocked me by confessing that despite being an American, she has not tasted Velveeta cheese. Wow. my world paradigm has just been rocked to its foundation… *blinks rapidly*
A quick run down on Velveeta cheese. It’s this uber-processed, semi-rubbery yellow state of cheese like matter that is produced by mysterious factories located high up in the Nevada highlands which are guarded by legions of yellow and blue jumper wearing Kraft soldiers armed with vicious batons made of fruit rollups. It comes in long square blocks wrapped in foil and then packaged in bright yellow cardboard boxes and disturbingly, requires no refrigeration. Also, much like that scary chick in the movie The Ring, it doesn’t sleep and it doesn’t die…! If there ever was a nuclear disaster, the only things that would survive would be cockroaches, velveeta cheese, and possibly the fuzzy green mold covered fruit-shaped sphere festering in the back of my refrigerator which I refuse to touch. It has a mild taste, inoffensive in that chemically-processed way, and develops an interestingly slimey patina if exposed to water. That having been said, I like Velveeta in small amounts, though nowhere near as much as Japanese girls apparently do.
But man (or panda) cannot live on velveeta alone, which is why a couple of us went out for okonimiyaki the other day. We managed to sort it out ourselves rather successfully, though the grill was on waaayyy too high so we had “cajun style” okonomiyaki. Also, I am ashamed to admit that I competely failed in my duties as the alpha male panda and messed up flipping the okonomiyaki onto the eggs; however, after thoroughly dousing my companions in yolk, I am happy to report that I got it down pat by the time I had to do mine. Practice makes perfect ;)
My generous TP buying friend. Censored by her threat on my life err… request.
For those of you who don’t know, in addition to be a prolific writer, i am also a stupendously prolific drinker, a noble, if occasionally disconcerting occupation that tends to have negative effects not only on my reputation as a teacher (“Hey Nakamura, isn’t that your english teacher over there?” “where?” “Right there dancing around in the middle of the intersection without his shirt and wearing a pair of women’s panties on his head!”) but on my wallet as well. Translation? My big fat JET salary all but vanishes a week after it’s deposited in my account and I spend the rest of the month beating my futon for spare 1 yen coins I may have overlooked.
Thinks were looking pretty grim there for a while on the TP front…
I’ve reached a new low in terms of how broke it’s possible for a human being to become when I actually had to have my friend buy toilet paper for me cuz’ I couldn’t afford it. Yeah. Exactly. But not only was she a trooper, she even splurged and got me the big jumbo Muji pack. :) My bum was so happy I no longer had to ration TP by the square…! It’s the little things in life like this that make you realize how much we take for granted…
(for the record, I didn’t really spend all my money on liquor. I actually been pretty good about paying a lot towards my student loans as well :P )
Walking around the downtown area the other day, I came across a cute, impressive looking restaurant tucked away in the back alleys of the red light district. It had this very unusual mossy fountain thing outside of it which I thought was pretty cool looking.
A pretty, moss covered fountain outside a restaurant…
On a slightly related note, I frittered away most of my working hours today playing around on photoshop and surfing the intarweb. This is especially impressive when you consider that I had to work for 13 hours today – wasting such a large amount of time takes a certain type of dedication, you know! Anyway, I do have one thing to show for it – I’ve learned how to make images look like they’re on TV. You can see another shot of that fountain which I’ve edited below.
panda… wake up panda… The matrix has you…!
Okay, okay, i know it wasn’t that impressive. But since I can safely say that that is the only productive thing I’ve done today, I think I’m allowed to be a little proud. Don’t believe me? Let me demonstrate why I say I produce absolutely nothing in my job.
Earlier today in the hallway at school…
[Izumi]: “Sensei!! konichiwa”
[me]: “Hi Izumi! How are you?”
[Izumi]: “Yes!”
[me]: “uhhh…”
[Izumi]: “Snow!”
[me]: “yes, it’s snowing outside, isn’t it?”
[Izumi]: “Snow cool!”
[me]: “yes it is! Do you like snow?”
[Izumi]: “eleven!”
[me]: “uhhh…”
[Izumi]: “eleven cool!”
[me]: “no dear, that’s not a correct answer.”
[Izumi]: “Yes!”
[me]: “no, it’s not, trust me.”
[Izumi]: “Snow cool!”
[me]: “umm, okay, i have to go now.”
[Izumi]: “eleven!” *notices I’m walking away* “sayonara!”
I try to teach them. I swear I really do try…! By the way Stephanie, see the joys that await you on the JET program? *laughs* Good luck with your interview!
Now listening to: “Eve – Figure you out”
(Usually I’m like the bitchy type / Quick to hit em’ with the ahha, yeah okay aaight / What’s your name again? / But I was feeling dude / And to my surprise for once I wasn’t being rude /…I mean this brotha’ had some shit wit’ him / And every time I tried to talk / He grabbed my hand and said ‘sweetheart just listen’)
10:31 am

Comments are closed.